Story Chapter 11

I went to my room, lit a cigarette, there were 2 left in the pack, I said to myself at least I should get some cigarettes tomorrow, I try to act like everything is normal, I try not to think about them, I try to be like a normal person, I lay down on my bed and looked at the ceiling again and lost myself in thoughts, when the mirror and paintings are gone from the room, the room seems quite wide to my eyes, but I can't control that thing at the very edge of my brain, I said I should open that book and I got up and knocked on the door of my mother's room all of a sudden, my mother opened the door in a hurry, what happened son she said, nothing happened mom I'm fine I just want a picture I said what are you going to do son she said the picture at this hour, I said I just need it, my mother gave me a passport photo of me that she had in her bag, she said son let me come and sleep together while giving me the picture, no mom I'm really fine I said, I went back to my room.

I cut the head part of the picture and put it on a necklace and hung the necklace around my neck I opened the book then I found the page that Ataka said and opened it, what happened I wrote words that I didn't understand but were written in Persian or Arabic letters according to my guess on papers, then I said to myself what am I doing, these things happened to me because of Ataka, I thought who knows if I still do what he says I won't get into even bigger trouble, actually I just say I should do what the teacher says and even take this book to the teacher, I say he does the right thing and knows what needs to be done, but that book is mine now, why should I take it to the teacher, and maybe the teacher is worse than everyone else I don't know, maybe he wants to have my book, I thought about all sorts of things, when I bent my head down for 5 minutes later and thought about it, the bad thoughts became heavier and why should I use this book only the way Ataka said, who knows what else I could do with this book, what else was on the glued pages other than the pages Ataka said, the more I tried to push these thoughts out of my head, the more they reappeared. in the end i couldn't control myself i slowly separated all the pages one by one, on the tops of all the pages there were writings under certain shapes that i guessed were arabic or persian, i didn't understand anything, i thought about what i could do if i understood, it would be more accurate to say i wrote a word from the book on paper and drew it like a picture, my aim was to take it to a bookstore in the morning and buy a dictionary for the language it was in, i gave up on doing what atakan said and put the papers between the books without burning them, i put the book under the bed and the necklace was around my neck, i lay on my back on the bed, i looked at it in the meantime, i drank the remaining pieces, i cursed, for some reason i was tense, i fell asleep while looking at the ceiling.

there was a weight on me when I got up, I went straight to the window, the air was hot like fire, I was again in my house in the city where I studied, the streets were empty as if I was the only one in the world, I turned around and there was no one, someone from the door of the room was calling me, as I said I wasn't coming, he was backing away, he was saying come, I looked at the door, these were my mother's eyes, a person recognizes their mother's eyes everywhere, when I saw my mother's eyes I threw myself towards the dark corridor, I hug her, but her back was strange, my mother's hand felt ashen when I touched her, when I looked at the ground I saw her feet were upside down again, when I looked at her face I saw someone with long and dirty hair, black teeth, 2 pairs of flames in place of eyes, his face and body were beating but his eyes were different from the ones I had seen before, they were burning like fire, he was saying something to me, he was looking at me full of hatred and I couldn't understand, I looked at the necklace around my neck, he was pointing at my necklace, I opened it and looked inside, there was my own picture but on my forehead with ashes was written the text I wrote to show the bookstore before going to bed, I looked at him again, me He tries to strangle me, then I wake up to the sound of my father's voice, he shouts at my mother to go and get water, my father asks my son, are you okay, did you have a nightmare again, I just say yes dad. I was talking and laughing while shouting to myself again, my father heard my voice and came, my father said sleep son, I'm with you, I slept until morning, when I woke up the first thing I did was to take the paper I put between the book and go to the bookstore, in my dream what was written on my forehead with ashes and what was written on the paper were the same, I really wondered what it was, when I was about to leave the door my mother called me, she had prepared breakfast, although she insisted on me eating I told her I was in a hurry, my father was sitting at the table I told him I could be a little late, you go to the coffee shop or something if you want dad, I actually had no intention of coming late, my aim was to get a dictionary and look at the book, I went to one of those community bookstores thinking they would know, the man took the paper and looked at me, he said this is Arabic, I said what does it say brother, he said come, I froze, the man said are you okay, I said I'm okay brother, can you give me a comprehensive Arabic dictionary, I took the dictionary, gave it the money and left the bookstore, I was going home, but I had various thoughts in my mind why come was written on my picture in my dream why were they saying come, what did they want from me I came home with thoughts, my father had gone to the coffee shop, my mother opened the door, I entered the house, I went straight to my room...

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